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Sunday, March 31, 2002 Easter Weekend It's late and I'm tired, but it's been a good day. A good couple of days, in fact--life hadn't been going so well, but Good Friday was a much-needed lift. It's an annual tradition to have a Good Friday Rally here, and for the last two years I've been involved as a musician and organizer. The best part about the whole event is unity--people from all over campus who don't know each other find that they have a common bond in Christ. And this yields some amazing fruit. For example, this year New Life, one of the campus churches, was in charge of the music (think rock band with electric guitars, drum set, the whole deal) and was looking for more singers. I joined them (sidenote: two of the guys in the band led music at last year's rally as well, though back then it was just Ben and I on acoustic guitar, Kyle on djembe, and all three of us singing) along with a girl named Lauren (whom I didn't know). I ended up hanging out with her and her friends for hours after the rally. Another cool part of the rally was prayer; imagine a couple hundred college students praying together for our leaders, friends, etc. in the middle of campus! That night I also spent a lot of time with my roommate Emily, which was exciting because she's usually home during the weekends planning her wedding. We don't get to spend as much time together as we'd like. So that was fun. Today was a great day for music. (Come Wednesday I'll be doing the tech thing again, another 60 hours in a week and a half inside the theatre; I'm getting the music in while I can!) I decided to record all of my original songs--that I could remember, anyway--and ended up quitting after getting around two hours of material on minidisc. My voice was tired since I'd sung earlier for a couple of hours as well, and my fingers were dying from playing the guitar. And there are still songs that I didn't record. But I feel refreshed now, and I'm excited to go home for church in the morning and spend some time with my family. ^ Top | 2:12 AM | | | 
Friday, March 29, 2002 Evidence I never intended to turn this page into an apologetic for Christianity, but since Brock has asked for the evidence I mentioned I'm posting an excerpt from an article on Answering Islam's Case for Christianity page: "Sometimes uninformed critics of the Bible, particularly of the New Testament, claim that since there are no references outside the New Testament to events of the New Testament, therefore the New Testament testimony is suspect. The truth is that there are several references to New Testament events outside the New Testament. For example, Suetonius, in his The Twelve Caesars says: 'Because the Jews at Rome caused continuous disturbances at the instigation of Crestus [a Latin reference to Christ], he [Claudius] expelled them from the city.' Compare this reference to Acts 18:2, which clearly refers to the same event: 'And he [Paul] found a certain Jew named Aquila, born in Pontus, who had recently come from Italy with his wife Priscilla (because Claudius had commanded all the Jews to depart from Rome); and he came to them.' Another clear reference outside the New Testament to a New Testament event is found by the Roman historian Tacitus in his work The Annals of Imperial Rome: 'To suppress this rumour [that the massive fires of Rome had been deliberately set by men], Nero fabricated scapegoats--and punished with every refinement the notoriously depraved Christians (as they were popularly called). Their originator, Christ, had been executed in Tiberius' reign by the governor of Judea, Pontius Pilatus.' The Jewish historian Josephus (ca. 90-95 AD) mentions the martyrdom of the apostle James, refers to James as Jesus' brother, mentions the martyrdom of John the Baptist, and mentions Jesus a second time. Other references include the Roman historian Thallus (ca. 52 AD) as quoted by Julius Africanus concerning the darkness at the crucifixion, the Roman author and administrator Pliny the Younger's (ca. 112 AD) mention of the early Christians' worship of Christ, and historical references from the Roman Emperors Trajan and Hadrian. These and other references I could cite prove the charge that there are no extra biblical references to New Testament events is false, and thus provide corroborating evidence of the authenticity of the New Testament." But this is only the tip of the iceberg. Lee Strobel's The Case for Christ examines topics such as the nature of eyewitness evidence, biblical documentary evidence, the historicity of Jesus in extra-biblical sources, archaeological data, psychological evidence, medical evidence (dealing with the nature of Jesus’ death), and the credibility of the resurrection record. Strobel is the former legal editor of the Chicago Tribune and holds a law degree from Yale. A former atheist, he became a Christian after setting out to find holes in Christianity. Josh McDowell, another former atheist, wrote More than a Carpenter after a similar journey; though he doesn't go nearly as in-depth, he offers his book for free through his website. The final resource I'd like to mention is C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity, which examines the philosophical basis for Christianity. He was yet another former atheist (I'm starting to notice a trend) who descibed himself as "the most relunctant convert in all of England" when he decided that his atheism made less sense than having faith in Jesus Christ. Believing in God doesn't mean that you have to divorce your intellect; Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" (Matthew 22:37; also in the Old Testament as Deuteronomy 6:5, emphasis mine). ^ Top | 12:27 AM | | |
Tuesday, March 26, 2002 I'm a Skeptic Too There's a debate raging in the comments section now--and I find it really interesting. I'd much rather have honest dissention than personal attacks--and you know what? I tend toward skepticism myself. I don't believe in God purely because he makes me feel good; I believe in Jesus because I have found significant historical, philosophical, and scientific evidence to support the Bible's claims. Surprised? Feelings and emotions come into play because they're an integral part of who we are as humans and God longs to have a relationship with us, but they're not the whole picture. Is the evidence indisputable? No. Evidence very rarely is (for example, there's more historical material about Jesus' life--outside of the Bible even--than there is for Napoleon's), but there are enough facts to make a reasonable case. If the evidence were indisputable, God would have effectively taken away free will. I'll be the first to admit that Christians aren't perfect--we're far from it--and we don't represent God in the way we would like. Though we're not perfect, God is. Here's an article from Relevant Magazine that you may find interesting in light of the present discussion: Where is God? by J.L. Eubanks My senior year of high school I took two courses that left a huge dent in the statue of my faith. One course was on the Holocaust. I learned about the Nazi's final solution to the Jewish problem, how the roots of modern German anti-Semitism lay primarily in the Christian church, and that the major world governments knew about the events taking place in Europe and chose not to respond until late in the war. I heard the countless stories of Jews who slowly lost their rights as citizens, had their property, jobs and money taken away, had their kids taken out of school, were forced into ghettos and eventually taken to the death camps never to return. The second course was African-American history. There I learned about black lynching, sharecropping and Jim Crowism. I heard the tragic story of Emmitt Till, a 14-year-old black boy mutilated for saying "Bye baby" to a white woman. I saw footage of non-violent civil rights activists being beaten and arrested. I listened to my African-American classmates recount personal instance after instance on the price of their skin color. The more I learned, the more I saw my faith fade. My image of a just and loving God was gassed with the Jews and lynched with the slaves. How could God be righteous, and even more so how could He be loving, when He stood by and watched millions of innocent people (many of which were his "chosen people") lose all that they loved? This question haunted me from wake to slumber. It seeped into my thoughts, my conversations and foremost my faith and prayer life. I posed my doubts and disputes to many of my peers and also to many respected elders. The general response was one I have come to regard as the "lazy person's truth." It is a true statement but it is too often used as a cop-out and even more often applied to the wrong scenarios. While it is true God does work in mysterious ways, there are many cases where it is only a mystery because we lack the will power and desire to search for the truth behind things. (Usually, once we find the answer, we see that it wasn't as mysterious and difficult as we had imagined. On the contrary, it makes clear and common sense.) This type of "lazy" response became fuel to the fire of my anger and disappointment with Christianity. It was not until after I had graduated and moved into the inner city of West Oakland, Calif., that resolution to these issues began to take place. Initially, the problem became worse as I encountered homelessness, drug infested streets and terribly dysfunctional families. One weekend, while home for my sister's wedding, I had a conversation about the meaning behind the Holocaust with a man who I had come to respect very much growing up. Sharing my view that answers are usually there if we have the discipline to pray and search, he had some ideas and theories behind the meaning of that dark point in history. He gave a few possible explanations and then began talking about the Christ-following-Gentiles’ failure to protect and care for God's Chosen People, the Jews. Even though I already recognized that Christians had dropped the ball, hearing him state the notion that we have a responsibility to step up and speak out sent my thinking into a whole new realm. So who really was to blame? Was it God? He could have stepped in at any moment. He could have crushed those gas chambers. He could have sank those ships on the way to Africa. He could have crashed those planes full of cocaine that would eventually put the crack in my neighborhood. In his book, The Jesus I Never Knew, Phillip Yancey confronts Jesus' decision not to force our hands. "If God insisted on sitting on His hands while devilment like the Crusades and the Holocaust went on, why not blame the Parent, not the kids?" Who was to blame? I realized it was the kids. I wanted God to come from Heaven in body and flesh and take care of these problems. I felt as though God had turned His back on His children, he had stopped listening. In all reality, God was here in body and flesh all along. Are we not the body of Christ? Did Christ not call us to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, give shelter to the homeless? Does the book of Proverbs not tell us to speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves, defend the rights of the poor and needy and to judge fairly? It is not God who is to blame, it is His followers. Many Christians turned their backs in the Holocaust and even aided the Nazis in their quest. Many Christians owned slaves and fought against integration. Many Christians continue to stuff their pockets at the expense of human depravity. The body of Christ is not fully sacrificing itself. History has shown that. While we cannot make up for the sins and shortcomings of the past, we can do something about the problems and pain of today. It is up to us to make a difference. God wants to bless our communities and love them with His spirit. We are His arms and hands to do it with. While it doesn't resolve all of the issues of God's silence, it resolves those that something can be done about. So, where is God? His body is across the world trying to have Him in dysfunctional families, underprivileged schools, starving countries, war-torn lands, drug infested streets and lonely homes. With one purpose--to experience the love that will not let them go. And those that we touch, are they not God as well? In Jesus' parable about the goat and the sheep, He claimed to be all those that need shelter, food, drink, friendship and medical aid. Mother Teresa reveals her deep-hearted understanding of this in her response to a rich American visitor who could not comprehend her fierce commitment to the dregs of Calcutta. "First we meditate on Jesus, and then we go out and look for Him in disguise." The body of Christ taking care of itself means taking care of the strangers and poor who are in need. It is our hope that this lays at the heart of the universal church. ^ Top | 10:47 PM | | |
Monday, March 25, 2002 To "Brock" I can totally understand if you disagree with what I write--that's your prerogative. But personal attacks are another matter. I'm honestly willing to look at other points of view--heck, I even like to think through opposing ideas--but I won't put up with name calling and blind assertions about my personality. I had enough of that in elementary school. If you're willing to have a real discussion, let me know and I'd love to hear what you think and the reasons why you've reached your conclusions. If not, I'll have to continue deleting your comments. No one's forcing you to visit this page. ^ Top | 2:50 AM | | |
Sunday, March 24, 2002 The Need for Community Somehow one of my friends got offended at what I wrote yesterday--I'm not sure what to say. I didn't mean to upset anyone, and I honestly don't know how anyone could be offended at the entry (there's a random guy who has it out to get me too--I had to delete his comments because they were utterly inappropriate). I was trying to be honest about some of the things I see, both in myself in and others. We really are looking for community; some find this in clubs/organizations, some in church, some in frats and sororities (the statement that originally caused such a fuss), some in ways not described here. I'm not implying right now that one is better than the other--though I truly believe that at its best the church, not as an institution but as a group of people trying their best to build each other up, love all, and live as Jesus would, fulfills the need for community in a way that nothing else can--nor am I implying that any community is fake. Even a superficial community (and again, no negative implications toward any group--I swear!) can meet part of the need for fellowship, for each other. It's a part of who we are as human beings. Maybe we don't always realize that we're searching for this love, but if we analyze ourselves, if we are honest, we'll see that we are. That's why we can feel so rejected, so alone. (In our darkest moments we're more honest with ourselves, I think.) However, there really is such a thing as unconditional love, a love that never leaves. I'd love to talk to you about it sometime. 
^ Top | 8:22 PM | | |
Saturday, March 23, 2002 Something Deeper We hide behind so many walls... I was reading Jessica's blog, Jalzee's World, which I've mentioned before, and wondered, How is she able to get so deep when there's a potential for so many people to be reading? When people know you--the real you, the one that hides underneath the things you say, the one that is when no one else is near--they can hurt you more easily, more deeply. We desperately want to be loved, to share our innermost selves with others, but the potential for being hurt is so great. Someone once said that the one thing humanity wants most is to fully know and be known. But how can we do that? I've seen this longing manifest itself in my life, in the lives of my friends--the desire for a significant other, the search for something spiritual, the determination to join a fraternity or sorority... the list goes on and on. You know what? We were created for community. We were created to be loved and to pour out our love in return. Only God can fully know us--but that doesn't mean that everything gets happy and easy from there. Life is still hard. But it's comforting to know that underneath it all, "We're all just the same/We're all just as good, just as bad, and just as distracted/ By the corners of our eyes as our fathers were and theirs before" (Caedmon's Call, from "The Truth"). So I guess if we're willing to be honest with each other we'll find out we're not so different after all. ^ Top | 11:38 PM | | |
Friday, March 22, 2002 Chocolate and Opening Night Opening night of La Cenerentola went really well. The cast did a wonderful job and I hit all of the light cues (always a good thing). All of the prinicipal roles are double-cast, and tommorrow night my voice teacher, David Dillard, is performing. In my humble opinion, he's better than the other singer who plays Dandini, the prince's valet (I think I hear a second on that from some of the stage managers). Can you believe it?--I think I'm starting to like opera. Well, I can appreciate it more now anyway, especially after going to so many of the shows that the University Musical Society (UMS) has presented over the last three years. (Interns get free tickets to almost everything. It rocks.) On a slighly different, although related, note, our directors are awesome--they gave the running crew a collective gift, and it was one of the best things to buy someone like me: a box of Godiva chocolates. Yum. Mandy, one of the assistant stage managers, brought a bag of bite-size Snickers bars and someone (costuming?) brought a huge bowl full of candy for the Green Room. It was great! (Also interesting to add: Mark Berg, the master electrician, almost always has a large M&M dispenser full of peanut M&M's handy when he works in university venues.) I think I'm sensing a trend, and I like it. Bring on the chocolate! ^ Top | 2:28 AM | | |
More on Michigan Weather Michigan really is a crazy place to live. I was at work today from 2:30-5:00pm and within that time Mark (my boss), Alissa (my fellow programming dept. intern), and I looked out the window to see a cycle of bright sun then heavy snow then bright sun and back again at least 3 times. I kid you not. What's up? The weather can't seem to make up its mind! And here I thought it was spring.... ^ Top | 2:15 AM | | |
Wednesday, March 20, 2002 Misc. Thoughts on Productivity I've been so much more productive today than I've been in a while--or at least it feels that way. I know, I'm a total slacker. This morning I went to my classes, ran a few errands (that took longer than it should have), gave my landlord for next fall the security deposit for our house, met with Elizabeth (one of the InterVarsity staffworkers for my chapter), met with my roommates for dinner and sharing what's up in our lives, did homework, and am now writing this. It's my night off from opera rehearsal. Yay! Life is a little crazy--I'm in the midst of all the tech stuff for La Cenerentola, which opens tommorrow night, and planning the next Thunder's Whisper show, which is on Wednesday. We might have a venue, but that's still a little up in the air, which is scary considering we have exactly one week to throw this together. Yikes. It should still be good though. And tonight I still have to meet with my accompianist (aka my friend Al) to work on a piece for my voice recital ("I'd Give My Life for You" from Miss Saigon), practice some of my own songs, and do more homework. I'm sorry, this probably isn't the most interesting entry to read. Hmm. For a look at a totally different way of structuring a blog, check out Jalzee's World, home of my friend and fellow Thunder's Whisper director Jessica Chang. She's awesome. ^ Top | 8:23 PM | | |
Tuesday, March 19, 2002 More on Education Another great quote about education.... Just so you know, I'm not really against learning or education. 
"School-days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence. They are full of dull, unintelligible tasks, new and unpleasant ordinances, brutal violations of common sense and common decency. It doesn't take a reasonably bright boy long to discover that most of what is rammed into him is nonsense, and that no one really cares very much whether he learns it or not." --H. L. Mencken (1880–1956), U.S. journalist. "Travail," Baltimore Evening Sun ^ Top | 1:04 AM | | |
Talking Heads It's 1:45am and I'm sitting in Christine and Jenny's dorm room checking my email and organizing the next Thunder's Whisper show. Jenny's on the computer doing homework and Christine is watching MSNBC talk about "America at War." Just another Monday night... no, not really. Actually, this is unusual. It's been a long time since I watched the news on TV, and I never realized that it's such a great source of (unintentional) entertainment (read: humor). For example, a former assistant secretary of state was talking about Saddam Hussein: "He's not very sweet man." No, I thought Saddam was as sweet as Shirley Temple. One of the commentators was trying to talk about people with power and couldn't think of any names: "...um... other heads of state... like Tony Blair." And another: "There's some degree of stablity in having a psychopath in Iraq." What?! I also love how they have so much to say they keep interrupting each other. And these are the people we trust to give us information about world issues.... ^ Top | 12:53 AM | | |
Sunday, March 17, 2002 Why are We in School Again? An interesting quote from Steve's Education and Society Page, especially for those of us in school.... "Schools and colleges have until now (to recap briefly) served a society that needed reliable, predictable human components. Appropriately enough, they spent overwhelming amounts of time and energy ironing out those human impulses and capabilities which seemed errant. Since learning involves behavioral change, lifelong learning was the most errant of behaviors and was not to be countenanced. Educational institutions, therefore, were geared to stop learning. Perhaps half of all learning ability was squelched in the earliest elementary grades, where children found out that there exist predetermined and unyielding "right answers" for everything, that following instructions is what really counts and, most surprisingly, that the whole business of education is mostly dull and painful." --George B. Leonard, journalist and educational consultant, Education and Ecstasy (1968) ^ Top | 7:01 PM | | |
Saturday, March 16, 2002 Attack of the Clones Taking a one-hour break from tech rehearsal for the opera to write this and eat dinner (I'm going to go crazy! They told us last night that today we'd be done at 5:30pm instead of the scheduled 10pm, so I made plans, only to discover at this afternoon's rehearsal that we're probably going to go until 10pm now or whenever we get done if it's before that. Grrr).... Everyone who knows me knows that I'm a huge Star Wars fan. I've got cardboard standups of Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, and Darth Maul (I didn't buy the last two--they were gifts, I swear) and a Star Wars throw and comforter among other things. I was one of the wierd kids who wore a costume for opening night of Episode I. I guess it's a bit of dorkiness coming out in me.  So I just got a chance to watch the new trailer for Episode II, which looks promising (much better than the "love story" trailer for the same movie). The special effects and action look amazing, which makes me hope that they didn't forget that it's the acting that carries a story, not fancy digital tricks. It's hard to tell the quality of a film's acting by its trailers, but so far that doesn't look like a huge improvement from Episode I, which was terrible. It could have been a decent movie (what was up with the pseudo-Japanese aliens who couldn't have possibly spoken more slowly and Queen Amidala's absolute lack of real emotion?); if the acting in the next movie is as bad as the first I'll have to throw my hands up on the whole new Star Wars thing. At least we have the originals and the books.... Right?
^ Top | 5:20 PM | | |
Friday, March 15, 2002 La Cenerentola So I finally figured out how to spell the name of the opera I'm teching--La Cenerentola, by Rossini. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not really a huge fan of opera--I prefer musical theater myself--but since I was working on the show I thought it'd be a good idea to learn a little more about it (especially since up in the light booth I'll probably never be able to read the supertitles and figure out what the heck they're all singing about). It contains some plot changes from Cinderella as you remember it: Cindy's evil stepmother has turned into a stepfather, the glass slipper has turned into a bracelet, and Prince Charming likes to disguise himself as his valet (who disguises himself as the Prince and falls in love with Cinderella, who loves the Prince she thinks is the valet, only to discover later that he's really the Prince--confused yet?). At least now I know what's going on.... ^ Top | 5:05 PM | | |
Wednesday, March 13, 2002 Crash Course I've sold my soul to the theatre department--no, not really, but I'm the light board operator for the spring opera, which I can't spell or pronounce (it’s basically Cinderella). I got a crash course in how to use the light board tonight a half hour before rehearsal started and I had to run it.  So I’ll be living the in Mendelssohn Theatre from 6:30-11:00pm every night during the week (except next Wednesday) and almost all day for the next two weekends. Yikes. And this is considered a class that I have to take to graduate with the theatre part of my degree. Oh well. At least it looks like it’ll be fun. Time consuming--if you see me and I look like I’m going to go crazy because this is on top of everything else I usually do you’ll know why--but for the love of theatre... (wait! I’m an actress, not a techie!).
^ Top | 11:56 PM | | |
Tuesday, March 12, 2002 The Eleventh Hour In my humble opinion, Jars of Clay's first album, which was self-titled, was one of the best CDs ever recorded. The lyrics were heartfelt and honest, the music organic and catchy, and I could return to many of the songs over and over in the same way you can return a good book, learning something new each time you reread it. The album was released in 1995, but I still pull it out and listen (often, in fact--I recently learned how to play "He" and have covered "Worlds Apart" in the past). However, their subsequent releases were disappointing; Much Afraid felt less personal and If I Left the Zoo was just a little wierd. I haven't heard much from The Eleventh Hour yet, but Jars of Clay produced the first album themselves and decided to take up that role again for this one. Relevant Magazine has a nice article written by lead singer Dan Haseltine that makes the band's latest effort sound enticing. "And when you hear it," says guitarist Matt Odmark, "I hope you don’t hear the noisy vocabulary of religion. I hope you hear music that results from faith, not music that is about faith. I hope you hear our lives in each note, sound and lyric. I hope you hear the joy and the heartbreak of friends wrestling to sing in harmony, not perfectly, but believably. I hope the songs remind you how to believe. This is music that is born in the gut and travels through the soul and rings in the ears with echoes of eternity.” ^ Top | 3:25 AM | | |
Sunday, March 10, 2002 Michigan Weather In most places, people only talk about the weather when they can't think of anything else to say; it's proverbial. In Michigan, the weather is actually an interesting topic. It changes with a frequency that can only be experienced. For example, this morning (by this I mean Saturday, even though technically it's Sunday already) it was around 50 degrees outside; nice, warm spring weather. Within a few hours everything changed--the wind was hitting speeds of 30 mph (we're under a "high wind warning" until 6:00 am) and the temperature dropped to around 20 (and that's without the wind chill). Right now it's 9 degrees with wind chill. Insanity. And my cousin Kenneth was complaining that Australia was freezing at 18 degrees Celsius.... ^ Top | 12:32 AM | | |
Saturday, March 09, 2002 Acoustic Emo The poetry fest is over and it's back to random thoughts. Last night I must have listened to Matt Wertz's new CD, Somedays, at least five times. It's incredible stuff. What was funny, though, was that I figured out he must really like Jimmy Eat World, first from his lyrics and then from his music. One of the lines in "I'm Sorry, Mary" reads, "First star I see tonight," which comes from JEW's album Clarity (though I can't remember the actual name of the song right now); I thought Matt could have come up with that himself until I read a line from "Sell Out" that says, "We could listen to Jimmy, some clarity for our lives." So he likes one of my favorite bands, back when hardly anyone knew who they were! It was a fun little treat to discover buried in the album. Another fun aspect of Somedays is the music itself (of course, otherwise it wouldn't be worth listening to); some songs are your traditional folk/rock singer-songwriter fare, but others were an interesting mix of acoustic rock and emo (à la Clarity). Definitely take the time to check this guy out--he's well worth the effort. ^ Top | 2:26 AM | | |
Thursday, March 07, 2002 The last day.... Leaving Why do his eyes hold the power to pierce her soul? She told herself not to cry, she tried, but lost control In the midst of chatter, talk, laughter, all faded to blur And in the silent moment out of time it was just him and her Surrounded by a crowd, they were yet alone And as salty drops flew down her face She tried to imagine a life without him, a place Where the wall between them prevented the simplest But she had to leave His eyes, pleading, begged her to stay, don’t go, don’t leave me alone But she shut her eyes tightly and ripped out her own heart She couldn’t give in, his arms were no longer home And though her parents, their friends, couldn’t believe As much as she loved him, forever would not be theirs Accusations from horses, lack of support How could she speak the coveted words? But hers was wounded, bleeding, weeping too Her path the harder, frought with misunderstanding And verbal stones thrown—could she still be standing? But she had to leave An endless refrain bleats from those who should most help Second guessing can’t play the game nothing to do but yelp As the whip of each phrase leaves mental scars on her back Nowhere to hide, nowhere to run, it is done in love For maturity, intelligence, discernment they say she lacks You will never find another like him again And all this for what? Some childish fantasies, dreams you hope to attain? Well, you’re not good enough, you don’t need training, the goal Is out of reach, out of sight, and with each passing role You will learn you can’t perform, but we’ll say you can write It’s safer, “more ambitious,” you’ll learn to sit still, don’t fight The only gift, the talent you can use—but you’re useless! Listen! We only want to help, and in her eyes the tears glisten Refusing to abandon their moist sanctuary be strong Don’t let the hurt show, don’t let them see how wrong Their reactions feel, how they make destroying her fragile serenity Seem like some sort of foolish game, and in the impending calamity All she can do is cry out to God please be with me Hold me safe from this storm of unrequested stares berating And the sea of unrequited desires, longings, just let me be Comforted, protected in your arms because I’m drowning And the merciless rain is overwhelming, it’s pounding Me into shattered glass, tattered threads I don’t want to live God, I need your strength, send all you can give She buries her weary, tired head into her waiting sleeve But she had to leave. ^ Top | 10:39 PM | | |
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 The poetry continues.... Ken you like vague specific poetry not the words i write from the heart you eat words plain and simple direct with few embellishments words that speak of politics and race and social injustice and subjects far removed from their creators or words profane and use a word here and there and read with your voice rising just so you said my poems are fine but really you can’t appreciate these words remember this tomorrow remember he said tonight is beautiful day is hungry please don’t love music show them the dance today i need to talk want her to walk can’t smile it’s night now A Cry for Help I need you but don’t want you I want you but don’t need you I want to run away, to hide from this pain All the ghosts of past mistakes and I’m crying out for help Please save me Please let me know you care Because the desolation of my heart is so intense And though hope is on the horizon I cannot touch it I cannot taste it It’s far out of reach And if I left this world you would never know So I guess I’m feeling self-destructive But I don’t want to wallow in this pit Please give me your hand Bring me out of the isolation of this lonely night Again ^ Top | 8:13 PM | | |
Tuesday, March 05, 2002 I used to write poetry all the time. These days I've modified slightly and the medium of choice is song lyrics; however, last weekend I typed up a batch of old poems that had been sitting around and I just discovered a file of poems on the computer that I'd forgotten about. So for the next couple of days (more or less, depending on how inspired I feel), Randomness is going to have a little poetry fest from my archives. Enjoy! Burswood A gentle, quiet music flows through the room As hands caress emotion from ivory keys Stirring longings in my waiting heart And as a muted melancholy settles in the song Thus the saddened mood settles in my being For everywhere I walk through foreign, unfamiliar scenery Yet subtle hints of you continue to appear Bidding treasured memories of mine come forth And images materialize like wisps of clouds or dreams Reminding when no reminder is needed The great extents to which I miss you For in every moment your presence I long for With a strength I could have never anticipated And when at last our lengthy separation is over I want to run into your waiting arms. Murder Dreams are more precious than gold, More fragile than glass, More cherished than life. To destroy a dream Is to commit murder. Put away your knife. wishful thinking to close my eyes and appear in your arms to open my eyes and gaze into yours ^ Top | 6:47 PM | | |
Monday, March 04, 2002 Favorite Pizza Just about everyone likes pizza--it seems to be the standard party food. So I'm taking a vote--who makes the best pizza? Nate Payne: "Me. Make pizza in a Dutch oven [what's that?] super-deep-dish with homemade sauce and lots of cheese." The winner for stores? Cottage Inn, though "I cannot speak for other representations of pizza from Cottage Inn" besides the Western Chicken (BBQ chicken flavor). Karen Latus: "Green pepper." Justin Bailey: "Hungry Howie's, though the best pizza is from any Italian restaurant in Europe. The best non-Italian pizza is Pizza Hut deep-dish." Joel Louwsma: "I don't eat pizza." What?! Cast your vote in the comments section and let the world know what you think. (Yes, I was starving for ideas tonight.... Pun intended. Go ahead and groan.) ^ Top | 10:40 PM | | |
Sunday, March 03, 2002 The Barney Invasion Barney is taking over the world--today I got emails (read: spam) on two different email accounts with the subject title "Free Barney Plush Toy!" I thought he was dead, but no--that scary purple dinosaur has his own fan club and line of clothes at Target! Hoping that not everyone was falling victim to his evil ways, I did a Google search for "kill Barney." The results were pretty interesting. The Jihad to Destroy Barney the Dinosaur started as a Barney hate organization and has grown into a community of role-playing enthusiasts. Excerpts from their FAQ (question: Why does the Jihad hate b'harnii?): 7. Barney does not promote thinking for yourself; rather you are condemned for going against the wishes of the majority. 8. He is a weak attempt to usurp Sesame Street. 13. Barney tells children, "A stranger is a friend you've never met," when the rates of kidnapping and child molestation are rising. 16. Barney and other authority figures over-rule the children's desires and feelings on a consistent basis. The site even includes scholarly criticism with titles like "Education, Commercialism and Barney" and "Barney vs. Individualism." Some crazier sites include: 208 Ways to Kill Barney (which is pretty amusing), The Official Kill Barney Crusade Homepage (check this one out--you'll laugh), and Clay's TV Wav Page (sound files of Barney vs. Star Trek, "I do believe the Barney concept is a Satanic plot to render adults brain-dead," and a link to the Barney Fun Page, where you can select a weapon and do some purple dinosaur damage). Have fun, kids. ^ Top | 9:04 PM | | |
Interactivity So no one's left any comments on here yet (though I've gotten a couple of emails, which has been really nice). It's not hard to do--just click on the comments link after the post you want to talk about and write something random. It'll give me (and everyone else) something fun to read. 
The wierdest thing? The Dawn Quiz scores--why are guys getting the top scores? So far every girl has gotten only 10 points--come on, beat the guys! ^ Top | 5:38 AM | | |
Dawn Discovers Graphics I discovered how to get smileys (or is the plural smilies?) on here!! It's very exciting.     
Look! It's the little guys from Princess Mononoke!     
This is ridiculously entertaining.... I think I'm starting to understand how Wyatt can spend so much time working on his webpage.... ^ Top | 4:52 AM | | |
Saturday, March 02, 2002 Tolkien Addiction Last night I went with my friend Alex to see Lord of the Rings... for the third time (yup, I'm crazy). I don't think I've ever seen a movie that many times in the theater before; actually, I don't see very many movies in the theater to begin with (it's usually off to Nate Payne's house, with the digital projector and Dolby surround sound, for DVDs--though it feels more like having a private screening). LOTR, or maybe Amélie, was the last movie I saw. It was fun watching it again, though--I caught some details I'd missed before, like Legolas walking on top of the snow instead of through it, and the Nazgûl's words to Arwen ("Give us the halfling, she-elf!"). Hey--did you know that it's recieved 13 Oscar nominations? Some highlights: Peter Jackson is up for Best Director, Ian McKellen (Gandalf) is up for Best Supporting Actor, and the film overall is up for Best Score, Best Picture, and Best Cinematography. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a huge Tolkien fan; I first saw the movie on opening night (with the rest of the Thunder's Whisper girls, yeah!) and then the night after at a different theater with Alex and Ann, who couldn't go before. Definitely read the books--the novels flesh out the characters even more, and there's so much to be said for using your imagination. Plus you'll catch a couple of plot changes--for example, the movie enlarged Arwen and Saruman's roles (by a lot)--and details the movie doesn't have the time to go into. Check out this review. ^ Top | 9:56 PM | | |
Friday, March 01, 2002 Spring Break (in February--Go Figure) is Almost Over! I don't know how I waste so much time.... It's my last day of spring break (technically, anyway, since we get the weekend off as a rule), and what have I done? I've started this page--and spent a long time trying to figure out how to edit its template, which is particularly interesting since I don't know html or any other programming language--spent some time with friends, wandered around on the net until the wee hours of the morning, acted in my friend Ryan's film Fly Engima, played some guitar, and read Death of a Salesman for class (and most of a Norton poetry anthology for fun). What did I plan to do? Spend way more time on music, find a place to live next fall, and read ahead for my classes since in the middle of this month I'm going to have to spend 50-70 hours over the course of a week and a half running the light board for the spring opera (yup, another class--my theatre production practicum). Oh well, there's still the weekend.... ^ Top | 9:15 PM | | |
Make Someone Smile It's so nice to get a long email from someone you haven't seen in a while, especially when you've been thinking about them and wondering how they're doing. Who's been thinking about you? Drop them a note and let them know what's going on in your life. You'll make someone's day. 
^ Top | 7:59 PM | | |
Wesley Grew Up! So it's pretty ridiculous, the amount of time one can spend on the internet--and the horrible thing is, what am I getting done? Nothing! I'm just posting my two cents (and who really cares what I think anyway?) on various boards (of course, the irony here is that I'm posting this on the web as well). I just spent faaaar too long on wilwheaton.net. But I must say it's a pretty interesting place--he designed and maintains the site himself. Who would have thought Wesley Crusher would grow up to be a 29-year-old guy who writes and performs comedic improv? Stranger yet, he has a 12-year-old son, if what I gather from various musings around the site is correct (his wife is a couple of years older than him and has two sons from someone else). It's strange to think that he was working on Star Trek: The Next Generation when I was in elementary school. Scary, eh? ^ Top | 4:50 AM | | |
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