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Friday, April 26, 2002 Gone Well, everyone, I'm leaving tommorrow morning for Chapter Focus Week with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship--I'll be in the Michigan UP for a week. I'll be sure to write a nice entry about it when I get back, but that's it for now! ^ Top | 11:04 PM | | | 
Thursday, April 25, 2002 No More Teachers, No More Books Things are winding down around here and a lot of people have left campus... everyone in the dorms has to be out by Saturday, with the exception of RAs. It's so nice to have free time again! A few times I've caught myself wondering what I'll do with myself now, but that's just because I'm in transition from high stress. I'm sure the time will disappear soon enough--in about a week or so I'm going to start recording my demo. I went shopping today (for the first of what will probably be many bridal showers this summer, and for something other than groceries) for the first time in I don't even know how long... my roommate Jen and I bought so much stuff. I think we're just glad school's over. To everyone still in the middle of finals at other schools, hang in there--the end is in sight. ^ Top | 8:30 PM | | |
Tuesday, April 23, 2002 A Slightly Different Version of an Essay on American Theatre I Wrote for Class According to my American theatre professor, “the fundamental subject of almost all serious plays of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries is the attempt to resurrect fundamental ethical certainties without resurrecting the fundamental spiritual certainty of a judgmental God.” This statement seems to hold true in many plays, for example, Our Town and The Zoo Story. While Albee’s The Zoo Story is antagonistic in its stance against God and religion as a whole, Wilder’s Our Town, though it seems friendly toward God, nonetheless simplifies the God of the Bible into a figure that has little relevance in daily life. Both plays argue that morality and human interconnectivity can be found without making God an active participant in human affairs. In Our Town, God is reduced to religion and does not interfere in human affairs, but the play nonetheless attempts to create moral judgments. None of the characters in the play proclaim themselves to be atheists, but God seems to have little impact on their lives; the townsfolk go to church—there are six within the city limits—sing in the choir, and get married in the church, but outside of the confines of the building they do not talk to each other about God, pray, or evangelize. They try to tell the truth not because it is correct according to a higher authority, but because it seems to be the right thing to do; instead of ascending to heaven or descending into hell after death, the dead live in the graveyard in an altered state of consciousness, one that is preferable to living. There, they can finally see; they are no longer blind. The dead do not require God’s help in order to see—true sight automatically arrives with the advent of death, regardless of how one’s life was lived or whether or not one had a relationship with Christ. The church organist is an alcoholic, and though the people of Grover’s Corners seem to appreciate the Bible as an important literary work, alongside Shakespeare and the US Constitution, throughout the course of the play no mention is made of anyone actually reading the book. The people would doubtless say that they are Christians, but are practical atheists. Rather than search for perfect love in God, they search for it in each other: “All I want is someone to love me,” says Emily, to which George replies, “I will try." The play argues for the importance of living each day to the fullest, of really seeing; of love; and of truth; but nowhere are those ideals reconciled to the idea of a God who cares about the same issues. Yet the inhabitants of Grover’s Corners realize that “something is eternal," even though they cannot say what that something might be. The Zoo Story, on the other hand, is blatantly antagonistic to the idea of the Christian God; it seeks to impart moral truths through Jerry’s secular gospel. According to Jerry, every human must affirm the intrinsic value of others, but the question he never answers is how humans came to have basic worth—some philosophers would argue that humans are no better than animals—if God does not value the race and has indeed “turned his back." Does he want to affirm something that does not exist or did humanity somewhere along the line decide that all humans have basic worth? Jerry also promotes what philosopher Charles Taylor called “the inner horizon”: modern man says that he is more than what can be seen on the outside, and to really know someone, one must delve into the inner thoughts, hopes, dreams, and fears of the other. Jerry wants Peter to understand this inner part, to connect with him; however, Peter is clueless and would rather amble happily through life without truly connecting with another soul. At the heart of Jerry’s desires is a longing for companionship—a Christian would say that only God can know individuals to such a degree, even knowing the number of hairs on their heads, but without God, Jerry must search for intimacy with people. He is only partially successful; Peter comes to affirm Jerry’s humanity, but never reaches the depth of understanding, the knowledge of the inner horizon that Jerry longs for. Thus, it is true that modern drama attempts to create moral absolutes while denying the existence or relevance of God to create the absolutes and set them in place. In the end, American theatre reveals the struggle that humanity faces in its desire to feel loved and understood by other members of the race. ^ Top | 11:33 PM | | |
Sunday, April 21, 2002 Fun Quotes The concert last night went well (a big thank you to everyone who came!!). Great quotes from yesterday (totally unrelated to the show): Me: (after talking to Steve Patterson and eating cookies for a while) There were 23 cookies here when we sat down... and there are only 10 left. We ate 13 between the two of us?! Dave Umulis: (describing a doll) It's like Emily (Vertalka, his fiancée), but smaller... and stuffed! Dave (again): (trying to get Steve to say "ultimatum") Blank frisbee, with a tomato! Me: (to Emily) You and Dave do this a lot. Emily: Argue! ^ Top | 11:27 PM | | |
Saturday, April 20, 2002 Aliens? Excerpts from one of the wierdest emails I've ever gotten: "I would like to draw your attention to the fact, that on January 20, 1954, at Base Muroc AFB (now Edwards AFB) in the USA, these Powers of Light put into life the first offer to introduce a new order to President Eisenhower, in concrete terms by extraterrestrial beings, stationed on five spaceships, coming from the planet EISA at the star Betegueze in Orion. The offer was turned down. These loving people, who do not resemble the propaganda images of aliens our media has projected (they appear as we do but with a higher consciousness), have since communicated with people of the Earth, advising them on our True nature of Spirit and explained why we are here. Their message is simple.... You, dear people, who do not understand, do not wonder why the mass media and publishing companies refuse to contextualize without misrepresentation this veritable information. It happens because our planet Earth is and has been influenced by Powers of darkness for over 300 000 years. Thanks to the beginning of the Aquarius Era (the planet Earth together with the Solar System will immerse into galactic photon zone), our atmosphere is deluged with abundance of fine-vibratory energy fromthe Central sun in the centre of our galaxy. Our Sun along with Corona has been immersing into a photon zone since the beginning of 1998, continuing until 2001. And in this atmosphere we have an unique chance to free ourselves from the impact of the Powers of darkness (from their virtual impulses, which are low-vibratory)." Who writes this stuff? ^ Top | 1:06 AM | | |
Thursday, April 18, 2002 From the Shadow of the Past Tonight Ryan made a comment that really made me think. She (yes, Ryan is a girl) said that I have a lot of charisma... which is funny to me, especially considering that I don't usually feel very charismatic. Strange... when I was in elementary school I was one of the least liked kids in my class--when we'd pick partners in gym I was always left by the wayside and stuck with the other "rejected" girl, whom I didn't get along with. Things have gotten better over the years, but I've never been part of the "in" crowd; I was the girl who had a hard time finding someone to go to formals with, who often seemed on to be the outside looking in. I still feel that way sometimes, wondering whether I really fit in or if people are just tolerating my presence. Granted, those thoughts occur less now--people seem to like me more than they used to--but sometimes the little voice in my head whispers that those around me are just wishing I'd go away. Have I changed that much over the years? ^ Top | 1:10 AM | | |
Wednesday, April 17, 2002 Limericks and Theatre Journals The theatre dept. here is obsessed with the idea of journals, so I had to write one when I ran crew for the opera and one for the musical (which I just wrote). Since I had the same professor for both "classes," I asked for feedback on my first journal. Mark asked for "more insight, more humor." Heh. He didn't know what he was getting himself into... since someone else mentioned that the funniest journal he'd read was written as haikus (is haiku the plural of haiku?) I decided to write limericks (since I'm really not that funny--I just laugh at myself all the time). Anyway, I'll post a couple for you to read, though they probably won't make any sense to someone who wasn't around (disclaimer: I know they're not that good, I'm just amused that I wrote the whole journal like this). There was a cool girl from Forest Who wanted to act like a tourist So she joined the deck crew With the tags Katie drew And said hi as her name was chorused. GAM torches have a tiny flame But the tech kids couldn’t be blamed The marshal said one And now that is done Otherwise actors could get maimed. Opening night, check lights before show Christian thinks, “Good thing we’re not slow” Stand with red fire ‘Cause it could be dire If the theatre burned down in a glow. Lots of foil and tape could fall down And though it doesn’t weigh a pound Get out the Rover Send Christian right over And make sure he gets back to the ground. Auditioned for Hamlet this morning Made sure I wouldn’t be snoring Missing the formal And the night goes as normal Must say the party was boring. ^ Top | 6:15 AM | | |
Monday, April 15, 2002 Thought for the Day "...When we long for life without...difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." --Peter Marshall ^ Top | 3:44 PM | | |
Sunday, April 14, 2002 Upcoming Shows and Such If I can survive the next two weeks I'll be a happy girl... Parade went well and it's finally over; though I'll miss hanging out with the cast and crew but I have to say, "YAAAAY!" My first solo show--all original Dawn music--will be on this Saturday at 8:30pm in the Michigan League Underground (for those of you in the area). Rob Chesnick will be opening. Thunder's Whisper is also putting on a production on Wednesday at 8:00pm at the University Reformed Chapel (the "Toaster Church" at E. Huron and Fletcher) called Shattered/Hope. It'll be a combination of music, dance, narrative, and poetry (all good stuff). Both shows are free. Hope to see you there! ^ Top | 9:55 PM | | |
Friday, April 12, 2002 A List I've been feeling pretty down and stressed out lately (I guess that's expected, being finals time and all), so in an effort to remember the good side of life, here are five things I'm thankful for today: 1. Opening night of Parade went well and most of the cast and crew are awesome to work with. Spending time with them can be really fun, and I love the music for the show--I'm definitely going to have to buy the soundtrack soon. The music gets stuck in my head. 2. My roommates are the best. I wish I got to hang out with them more often, but our weekly apartment dinner is one of the highlights of the week. It's really nice to know that people care about you and have them pray for you. 3. My boss wasn't in today so I got to leave work early (nothing to do), which allowed me to cook some real food instead of grab something from the nearest to-go place for dinner as well as talk to a couple of friends and start writing a paper (which is due tommorrow...). 4. Since we got a new spring (a coil, not a season), setting up the GAM Torches we use in Parade has become much easier. Yes, folks, we have live fire on the stage every night (which completely freaks out the stage managers and building manager). 5. The weather today was the best it's been in forever. Sun! Warmth! Yay! ^ Top | 12:18 AM | | |
Thursday, April 11, 2002 Lonely? Talk to "Smartchild" The New York-based company Active Buddy has launched a computer program that can chat with AIM users (the future of artificial intellegence ^ Top | 1:32 AM | | |
I was so struck by this article that I decided to post it here: A Shadow of Truth by Benjamin Esposito I just finished watching Moulin Rouge again. It's an incredible story, a story which speaks of the so-called "bohemian" ideals of truth, beauty and love. It struck me how the true believers of the world, the dreamers and prophets, often end up in a lifestyle of pretense. Be it music or art or theater or literature, it seems to me that those who see more clearly give up hope in the possibility that truth can be reached in the reality of the daily grind, instead choosing to spend their lives in search of that all too elusive transcendent moment. In doing so, however, they unwittingly compromise the very ideals they so passionately espouse. The "truth" that is reached in a theatrical production is only a shadow of the truth, because each participant in that transcendent moment where truth is touched is in reality only a pretender. The truth that is reached at an orchestral concert comes as the composer manipulates the music to its climax, that moment when reality suddenly drops away and performer and audience alike are swept away to a far-off place. But as suddenly as the moment arrives, it leaves, and all is gray and normal again. And even if the performers were to play the piece again, and if the audience were to stay to listen, over and over again, after so many repetitions the moment would lose its power, and all would realize the hollowness of the "truth" that at first seemed so real. For it is only a fleeting shadow of the real thing, a hint at something far greater, a vain attempt to connect with that for which man was made. These dreamers were given the gift of feeling deeply the longing in the heart of every man. But they give up too easily, and too soon. There is a truth that is meant to be experienced, and it will not be experienced in its fullness by any extraordinary effort on the part of man. It rather requires the opposite--surrender. While the instinct of man is to put himself through whatever physical or mental contortions possible in order to enter into this truth, it is the nature of truth that it may be reached only through submission. God, give me the strength to surrender all that I may have You. “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” (Jim Elliot) ^ Top | 1:07 AM | | |
Wednesday, April 10, 2002 Clone Wars No, I'm not talking about the upcoming Star Wars movie; Italian doctor Severino Antinori says that he has implanted a clone in a woman who is now eight weeks pregnant. Apparently this is all part of a program for infertile couples who want children. Even stranger is that the project is going ahead even though it's been banned in the US and Italy. The mother is basically going to have a clone of herself as her new daughter--pretty wierd stuff, not to mention the possibilities of birth defects and premature aging. ^ Top | 12:05 AM | | |
Tuesday, April 09, 2002 Ah, Stress! I can't wait until this semester is over--on one hand I feel bogged down with work, and on the other I feel like there's nothing I can do about my grades anymore so it's pointless to do homework. Most people around here are getting pretty stressed out, and there's still so much to do and plan: finals, the Thunder's Whisper show (Shattered/Hope), the Dawn concert, the groundwork for Arts Action (a student group I'm starting with some of my fellow UMS interns), the groundwork for Thunder's Whisper next year, papers, finalizing stuff for my house next year, putting together my demo and press kit, etc. I just want to hang out with people and work on music and forget that grades matter.... ^ Top | 11:03 PM | | |
Monday, April 08, 2002 The Inner Horizon A week or so ago I wrote about how people at their core want to be know and be known--apparently I'm not the only one that has that idea. My Shakespeare prof gave us a handout today that contained a pharaphrased quote from philosopher Charles Taylor: The modern person says: "I am a natural being. I am characterized by a set of inner drives, or goals, or desires and aspirations. Knowing what I am really about is getting clear about these. If I enquire after my identity, ask seriously who I am, it is here that I have to look for an answer. The horizon of identity is an inner horizon." Taylor makes the case that we (want to) define ourselves by who we are inside--thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, etc.--and to understand another person is to understand that "inner horizon." Ditto for understanding ourselves. So why are we often so content to know people on the surface? At college, you're defined by your major, your year in school, your hometown (those and "What's your name?" are the most common questions to ask someone unfamiliar around here). I imagine that when you graduate you're defined by your job. Aren't we more than that? ^ Top | 3:39 PM | | |
Sunday, April 07, 2002 Sleep Sleep, sleep Sleep, sleep You're so beautiful When you sleep... --Claire Holley I am so tired... and this even though I got 8-9 hours of sleep last night and a nap today after dinner. I wonder if it has something to do with living in a dark theatre during most of the daylight hours. It's going to be a hard week.... ^ Top | 7:50 PM | | |
Saturday, April 06, 2002 The Old Hills of Georgia... Today was the longest rehearsal we'll have for Parade: a grand total of 10.5 hours in the theatre, with a 1.5 hour break in the middle. I feel really strange--it's an odd combination of I-just-had-a-ton-of-caffeine-with-nothing-else-in-my-system (even though I only had an iced mocha at 4pm) with I'm-really-tired-and-I-want-to-go-to-bed and I-really-need-to-play-some-music (which, I'm sure, is partially due to the fact that I've been surrounded by amazingly talented musical theatre majors all day... plus I haven't been able to play much in the last few days because of rehearsals). At any rate, I have the music from the show running through my brain. It's wonderful stuff, though the show is really dark--for some odd reason, I love tragedy--and I can't wait to hear what it'll sound like with an orchestra instead of just a piano accompaniment. I wish I was a musical theatre major.... ^ Top | 11:01 PM | | |
Thursday, April 04, 2002 I'm the Space Man! I had a few minutes to kill before going to tech rehearsal for Parade tonight, so I wondered onto someone's page and ended up taking a survey. Here are the results:
I guess this fits in with the not-as-artsy-science-fiction-fan part of me. You wouldn't have guessed, would you? ^ Top | 5:10 PM | | |
Wednesday, April 03, 2002 Frustrations Ever get a paper back and wonder what the heck your professor or GSI (Ann Arbor speak for TAs) was thinking when they graded it? I usually have no problem getting good grades on my papers--come on, I'm an English major for cryin' out loud!--but lately I don't know what's happened. Either my GSI is on crack or I've lost the ability to write (or as I've been joking over the last week or so, "I'm turning stupid"). It's been incredibily frustrating; just when I figure that everything is under control I get a new paper back and lo and behold it's another of the worst grades I've gotten in my life. When will it stop? I'm not taking classes that are harder than ones I've had before--I started taking 300-level classes last year--and I haven't changed my style or content. I don't understand.... ^ Top | 11:23 PM | | |
Tuesday, April 02, 2002 Sometimes Sometimes it seems like everything is going wrong and you can't possibly do anything right. Sometimes you screw up. Badly. Sometimes you fail. And sometimes God gives you a second chance, even though you don't deserve it. Like today. ^ Top | 9:25 PM | | |
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