Dawn Xiana Moon: Intelligent folk pop with influences from jazz and traditional Chinese music. From Chicago.

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Friday, April 30, 2004

Homeless in Ann Arbor (not NYC)

Contrary to what the title of this post may lead you to believe, I'm not going to be talking about the problem of homelessness in Ann Arbor, or even claim that I'm out on the streets. However, due to a crazy and annoying turn of events, I am now without housing starting... now. So I'll be crashing at the Catherine House (thanks Chuck!), for those who are familiar with the location, until I find a new apartment (hopefully a May-May lease so I don't have to worry about finding housing in Ann Arbor for the fall/winter as well--I'll just get it all over with in one shot).

How did this insanity come to be, you ask? Well, Christine and I are subletting our apartment from three girls who are studying abroad in Spain; our sublet agreement was set to expire on May 1, but they told us that we had the option to extend the contract if we wanted to. But of course, during the last week when we tried to get ahold of the two girls for whom we had contact info, they didn't email us back. Even though we sent three emails. So last night we looked up the girls' permanent addresses on "Stalker" (the U-M directory) and Christine called their parents this morning. Apparently none of the girls--or their parents--have been communicating with each other; one girl's mom thought us staying would be fine, while another's had already called the realty company and asked them to find a subletter, which they had. The new subletters were told that they could move in at 4:00pm on Friday. However, no one told this to myself or Christine. Problem. The poor realtors had spent an afternoon talking to two mothers, one father, and a miscellany of angry parents--whose, I'm not sure--but the mess wasn't their fault. And the new subletters were getting kicked out of their place and needed to move stuff in. Christine decided to move home, at least temporarily, and come tomorrow (today), I am homeless and will be crashing with friends.

Note from Laura the Hun: I would like to say that meanwhile I was in the process of moving out of my dorm and, having previously arranged to stay at Dawn's home tonight, I had no idea that she, in fact, would have no home to offer. Finally, arrangements were made and, as it would seem, here I am. Yet, grateful though I may be, as I was walking down the road, carting in tow all my earthly belongings [Editor's note: she only had a sleeping bag and a suitcase!] [Laura's note: It was heavy! And hot!], I couldn't help but think, as Dawn and Patrick were zooming by me in a car (note: waving and smiling, not stopping and helping): [edited for unliterary profanity] or, what great friends!

Word of the Day: Dereliction. 1. Willful neglect, as of duty or principle. 2. The act of abandoning; abandonment. A state of abandonment or neglect.

^ Top | 11:16 PM | | |

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Chez moi: la bibliothèque

This is the second crazy-college-living-situation story I've heard. Thanks to Ken for the original CNN article: NYU student sleeps for months in library basement. But the article is nothing--Steven, the student who was recently discovered and moved to a dorm, is a sophomore at NYU who has been living in the library since September. Even though he works multiple jobs, he gets little financial assistance from the university and no money from his parents and was thus unable to pay for housing. In the end, he decided to live in the library because one of his majors is English with an emphasis in Creative Writing, and what better experience is there to write about? Check out his website, HomelessatNYU.com for good stuff (note: the site might be down sporatically since he's exceeding his bandwidth). I actually read through the entire FAQ and a few Livejournal entries. Sounds like an adventure, if not something I'd want to do.

The first crazy-college-living-situation story I heard: Josh and Nate's dad, Peter Payne, who now holds his PhD in philosophy and works with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, apparently lived with a friend in a treehouse when they were students at Stanford University. Yup, you read that right: a treehouse. They took showers at the building (a YMCA or something similar) across the street and kept their stuff in lockers there. There's another cheap way to get housing. Apparently there are still rumors echoing around Stanford about those days. It's crazy to think about what respectable adults did when they were young.... :-p

^ Top | 1:27 AM | | |

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

A stimulating debate is good for the soul: Part II

Read Part I. My reply to Steven's comments (read the comments section on this post) in reponse to the points that I brought up.

1. Although Jesus never specifically condemned another religion, he said that he was the only way to God, claimed to be God himself--and a good Jew would only worship (their) God. So put these things together and it's clear that he was saying that one could only worship him. As he said, the greatest commandment was to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Not any God, but the specific God of the Jewish people.

2. Jollyblogger, who also has some other interesting thoughts, has a better answer for Steven's statement, but I was talking about an entirely different passage. In context: John 8:48-59.

3. Jesus wanted people to truly feel their religion, not to be unchanged! I raised this point, and I feel the same way. Religion should not be allowed to stagnate, but should be constantly growing and developing, causing inward change and inspiration.
I concur. Though religion itself stagnates--it is a relationship with God that causes growth. Religion as a set of rules and regulations inevitably drains life.

4. More agreement. :-)

5. But I think that for any religion to claim to have THE Truth is a little arrogant. I'm trying to show how faith can exist without such exclusive claims.
Perhaps, but they all do. Faith can exist, but faith in what? What if there is just one Truth? An example from the real world: if the only way to turn on your computer was to hit the power button, a faith that by hugging the monitor the computer would turn on would be rather useless, however good it felt. Supposing that communicating with God is similar--that one can only communicate with him by agreeing to be covered with Jesus' sinlessness--trying to reach God through other methods simply wouldn't work.

But in the spiritual world where it is uncertain whether there is a bridge or not (and, in such a matter as God, who, I believe, is not governed by logic, there may both be a bridge and NOT be a bridge!), it would be detrimental to force your friend from making their own decision.
I believe God is logical--makes sense if he created logic--just not always according to our point of view. He is sometimes paradoxical, but not illogical. But I do think it's literally impossible to make someone else's decision for them. Impossible because we can only actually convince each other of so much--we believe what we do regardless of force, unless we start bringing in reeducation camps and the like into discussion--and detrimental because if God himself gives us choices and free will, who are we to take it away from others?

A little influence is fine and acceptable- attempts at force can be detrimental.
I completely agree.

^ Top | 12:34 AM | | |

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Fill in the Blanks

Thanks to La pagina (Cat Steiner) for this series of ready-to-complete phrases:

I am: a musician, writer, actress, and dancer with far too many interests.
I miss: being held.
I want: to know "it's gonna be alright" (Over the Rhine).
I have: an addiction to chocolate and lindy hop.
I hate: uncertainty in major areas of life.
I fear: that I'll grow old and "normal," that I won't live up to my dreams.
I play: the piano, flute, guitar, and (in theory) piccolo and xylophone.
I hear: the last song I wrote playing in my head.
I care: about people.
I smile: frequently.
I wonder: why.
I poke: Tait. And sometimes Pat.
I love: music and words.
I mess: up and make mistakes. I'm far from perfect.
I think: analytically.
I always: want to perform, to be in the limelight.
I am not: "a rock. Sometimes I have trouble believing, believing in me" (Keri Noble).
I wish: I was in France right now, or at least out of the country.
I keep: all sorts of odds and ends.
I can't: do a cartwheel (sad, eh?).
I write: songs, poetry, fiction, journals, essays, and articles.
I lose: sunglasses. Often.
I smell: like vanilla (at least I try to, with the body lotion and spray--and I only buy vanilla candles).
I confuse: many people who don't know me well when I make jokes.
I need: to find a good manufacturer for my CD.
I should: be more productive.
I dance: swing--lindy hop and blues is preferred, but I know balboa, collegiate shag, East Coast (which is boring if not mixed with lindy), and charleston.
I sing: alto, though my last voice teacher was convinced I was a soprano who was just scared of high notes.
I laugh: at stupid jokes. All the time.
I cry: alone occasionally, but never when others are around.
I talk: a lot, especially if I'm in a good mood.

^ Top | 10:28 AM | | |

Thursday, April 22, 2004

A stimulating debate is good for the soul: Part I

So I stumbled across something interesting this morning: an irenic, intelligent debate that's been raging through a series of blogs--four not including mine, I think, as I jump into the fray--on the validity of Christianity's exclusive claims to Truth. The entire discussion is rather long to wade through, but to summarize start at Ice and Silence and read the links and comments (important). Then read Steven's next post. The main part of my response, which was much longer than I thought it'd be (though I'll warn you that it'll make more sense if you actually do go and read the blogs I referenced):

1. For all of his comments on peace and love, Jesus had no tolerance for religiosity. He had plenty of harsh words--"you brood of vipers!" comes to mind--for the religious establishment, those who were supposed to bring the people to God but instead bound them in rules and law.

2. The "Christian faith" was not established per se during Jesus' lifetime: true. However, Jesus was making exclusive claims to his right as deity. The Jewish leadership considered him a heretic, claiming he was God (this was not a point of contention then as some would have it now--were it not for that, then why did they feel threatened by him? Why did they use the Romans to kill him?). Take statements like "before Abraham was born, I am" (John 8:58). Not "I was"--no, he used the covenant name that God had given to Moses. And the Jews who had been listening to his teachings with belief suddenly picked up stones to kill him. And according to what they believed, they'd have been justified if he were not God himself. It's also important to note that throughout that section he constantly claims to be from the Father--clearly understood to be God himself--and the only way of getting to him.

3. As I touched on in #1, Jesus would himself be maddened by phrases like "the rest are godless heathen who must be shunned and/or punished." His harsh words were ever only for the religious establishment, never for the "sinners" or "heathens" themselves. Christians would do well to remember that. Instead he welcomed the outcasts of society. Yet at the same time Jesus refused to leave people's lives unchanged--he frequently told people to "go and sin no more." Not an easy task.

4. Even without Christianity, wars are fought in the name of religion all the time. Muslims have had at least as many wars--Islamic fundamentalism has been the cause of much bloodshed--and I'm sure if we thought about the subject we'd find few religions exempt. Even if we took religion out of the picture there'd still be wars. I'm not making excuses for the Crusades, but I'm saying that blaming Christianity--or probably any religion, for that matter--for the majority of bloodshed in any era is faulty. It's in human nature, dark though it may seem. Wars are fought primarily for economic reasons, and those aren't likely to dissipate.

5. At the heart of almost every religion is an exclusive claim to Truth. Hindus have many gods, Christians have one who is accessible only through Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, Muslims say Jesus was only a prophet and follow Mohammad's teachings but have only one God, Jews have one God and consider Jesus a heretic, Buddhists say forget the idea of God and would rather learn to let go the idea of desire. Each group will say the others are wrong, but to force any of them to hold steadfast to their beliefs yet give true validity to the others undermines the entirety of their own beliefs. We can all agree to love and respect each other regardless of belief, but it's futile to try to make each as valid as the other without destroying basic tenets of all those systems. I can love my Mormon friends--and do--but I can't agree that their beliefs are as valid as mine if I believe mine are the only true ones. And when a matter like hell--or separation from God, from the source of true joy--comes into the picture, I'd be a horrible friend if I merely allowed my friends to walk off a cliff without warning them that the bridge is out. Perhaps I'd be wrong in my assertion, but as a friend if I truly believed that the bridge was no longer there, I'd be bound to say something. Otherwise I obviously wouldn't love them very much, no matter what I claimed.

Let the discussion continue....

^ Top | 8:34 PM | | |

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

De la danse swing et l'évasion

During the last months, lindy hop has become more than just fun--it's a way to unwind, to de-stress. But I wonder sometimes if I use dancing as an escape, especially when I'm feeling down; I don't have to think about my problems, I can just savor a good connection. Especially in blues, where as a follow you literally don't have to think about anything. The dance doesn't work if you're not relaxed. So after a few moments, you start to do exactly that. I'm also working on a theory that part of the reason swing dancers love dancing (especially in the case of blues) so much is the close connection; it seems like one way of fulfilling the human need for touch and affection that we don't always get in other avenues. And dancers--of all forms--are like theatre kids, and even more so, groups that tend to be freer with touch than the average person.

I've been mulling over these thoughts for the couple of days. Going to an exchange--or any similar out-of-town event--is a chance to get away, not to reflect but to forget. You're busy busy busy, constantly meeting new people, and then hanging out with those people, people who often aren't a part of your everyday life. Not that it has to be a form of escapism, but it can be. And it was this weekend (I was at a series of balboa workshops, blues-ing at the late nights, and lindy bombed a club at Central Michigan University). It's probably also the main part of the reason I want to go to the Toronto Lindy Exchange in a week and half. I realized Sunday at Re:fresh, a laid-back monthly service at church, that I've been avoiding some things that hurt too much to think about; of course I felt fine, because I was trying not to deal with situations. Too bad God won't allow me to run forever. Though I guess there's little to deal with per se--after all, what exactly can I do?--I suppose the problem is more along the lines of allowing (or not allowing) myself to feel.

I wonder too if lately I've been posting too much, too personally. Maybe I should just stick to essays on word etymlogies and results from online quizzes.

^ Top | 4:09 PM | | |

Monday, April 19, 2004

Late-night ramblings about music and melancholy.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy to be dreaming about this so-called musical career. I'm supposed to be finishing a review on the national tour of Chicago for the Michigan Daily (my deadline was unexpected), and I didn't get much sleep this weekend between the balboa workshops and swing dance events I went to at Central Michigan University. But it's late and prime time for melancholy.

I don't even know why I did this tonight, but I took a writing break to wander around Keri Noble's website. Keri's a singer-songwriter originally from the Detroit area; she knew a bunch of kids from Wayne State University that I was also friends with and who subsequently introduced me to her music. Back then I was a dreamy high schooler who thought people would think I was ridiculous if I said I wanted to start a band. She was playing metro Detroit coffeeshops and Borders with her keyboard in tow. I got to know her a little primarily because I loved her songs--they had a huge musical influence on me at the time. It's sad, I used to have her excellent debut, Lullaby, an album now out of print (according to articles on the web, she decided the record was "too personal"), but someone borrowed it and I haven't seen it in years. Anyway, the point is that I take a look at her site from time to time, and reading her journals tonight I was struck by how different they--and her new songs--are from her earlier writing. Her songs feel too typical now, less original and emotional than they used to be. Perhaps they were too confessional before, but they feel too generic now.

Keri's dad is a pastor at a Spanish-speaking church in Detroit, and a fair number of her early songs were about her relationship with God. They've moved away from that, as far as I can tell, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, just a point I noted. As far as I can tell, she doesn't talk about God in any of her interviews either--again, not an indictment, but a change. But she's poised to "make it"--her new release is on a new division of EMI and she's been working with the people who masterminded Norah Jones's success. And her career seems to be taking off, slowly but surely.

I'm not jealous in any way--she's a hardworking, talented musician, and I hope she does make a place for herself in mainstream radio--but watching this progression leaves me with questions, primarily for myself. How influenced am I going to allow myself to be by trends, philosophies, the screams of the world? If I were to have a voice, however large or small, what role would my faith play in my speech? What am I doing (or not, as is much of the case right now) with my music? I feel like I'm always being left behind, not just in this but in life.

I need to start working on this career in earnest.

^ Top | 2:31 AM | | |

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Something of an experiment--I wanted to see if it'd be possible to splice pieces of lyrics from three different bands and a multitude of songs into a coherent poem. I think I rather like the result.

Anatomy

Composed entirely of lyrics from Over the Rhine, The Juliana Theory, and Evanescence.

I.

I wrote down a dream
What more could I do
I drew myself a picture and the picture was you

I'm afraid I've lost the piece of me
I need the most
But you came so close and I assumed
You were looking--

If you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave.

II.

What a beautiful piece of heartache
This has all turned out to be.

III.

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Just to open my eyes to everything

I wrote down a dream
But what was it now
And why does it feel so distant somehow

Like sleeping on a bed of nails
Nothing much here but our broken dreams
Nothing is ever quite what it seems

Did I take too long
Did I get it wrong
You're still the missing line in my favorite song

Brush away my tears
Brush away

With the sound of the ocean crashing
Everything comes tumbling down.
Our time together is it fading--

Don't go.

IV.

Now turn the page and read what's written
It's your history
Do you understand?
The dream is over.

V.

Some things can never be explained
Why does your love remain unchanged

Without you sleep seems a dream away
And a year too late

You're still the missing line in my favorite song

I've got a lot to lose I've got to let it go
Why does it feel so distant somehow?

Please don't forget my name.

^ Top | 11:20 PM | | |

Friday, April 16, 2004

A few observations on life at Forest Post Apartments.

I've long been convinced that no one else from my apartment building actually does their own laundry. I live on the third--and highest--floor, and using the coin laundry machines means walking down four levels of concrete steps to the basement. Since actually finishing a load requires a minimum of three trips up and down, you can see how this could get tedious (though I suppose it's good exercise). But in all the months I've lived here, I've never seen another person making the trek. Nor have I seen any clothes downstairs in their varying states of cleanliness. What I have seen are laundry bags outside of apartment doors, labeled for the appropriate service to pick up.

The other defining characteristic of Forest Post: the parking lot is full of SUV's. I personally don't have a huge problem with the vehicles themselves, gas-guzzling though they are--there are legitimate reasons to buy one. But literally 85% of our lot consists of shiny, new SUV's, and you know in that case most of the kids who live here are being seriously financed by their parents (this place is expensive to begin with--thank God for sublets).

And my last observation: garbage. Apparently no one in the building believes in throwing away their trash--you often find black plastic bags waiting in the hall for someone (Mommy?) to throw in the dumpster. And any junk mail is usually just strewn on the floor by the mailboxes instead of thrown away.

Considering how nice the apartments are, it's surprising that people put such little thought into caring for the place. And don't even get me started on the pot-smoking hallway parties....

(Unrelated addendum: The Photos page has finally undergone a much-needed makeover. Take a look and let me know what you think.)

^ Top | 12:02 AM | | |

Thursday, April 15, 2004

"Just like a chain letter, but stranger."

From Melancholics Anonymous:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence as a comment in my journal.
5. Post the text of the sentence in your own journal along with these instructions.

"Good-bye, once more; come, Agatha."
(From a collection of Oscar Wilde's plays--this one is from Lady Windermere's Fan.)

^ Top | 10:24 PM | | |

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

J'aime mes amis.

Thank God for friends who called, IMed, made me dinner, and went out for ice cream with me. You guys are wonderful.

O Creator God,
Hear me, answer me.
I am poor
I need you.

Save me
Save your servant
Who trusts you
Or tries to.

I cry out
I call on you
Through the night
Through the day.

Give me joy
You're in control
To you
I lift up my soul.

Eternal
You are good
Abounding in love.
Forgiving.

Hear my prayer
O Creator and King
Listen to my cry

In this troubled day
I call to you
For you
Answer.

(Psalm 86:1-7, Version Dawn)

^ Top | 12:15 AM | | |

Monday, April 12, 2004

La fin

This post was going to be about number of subjects: first, what a small world we live in--turns out that Garth, whom I mentioned earlier, and someone whose website I found a couple weeks ago searching for lindy hop animations know each other--and second, random facts about Easter--for example, that Easter is the name of a pagan goddess. Typical stuff. But something happened tonight that supercedes all of that. Although I don't even know if I should write about this.

It's over.

It's over and I'm left clinging to promises that God is still in control. Repeat: God is in control. And he has our best interests at heart. God is in control. No, however true that is, it's not comforting right now. I love him. And he said he still loves me. But he ended it anyway.

I guess love isn't enough.

^ Top | 12:42 AM | | |

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Des pensées variées

Apparently no one likes to be told how to blog. Tait's Guide to Blogging Etiquette has sparked a flurry of discussion, primarily from bloggers who feel that the guidelines are too exacting. If only I could get that many comments on a post--at last count, he was in the 13 range.

I now have the fully mastered copy of the long-promised CD. We're waiting on artwork and deciding on a duplication company. It's so close I can touch it....

I'll be playing a concert on Saturday; details will be on the Gigs section within the next day (i.e. whenever I get them, which had better be soon). Come out and enjoy the music--Anna Draper is going to contribute her formidable violin skills, so you won't want to miss it.

Anyone want to get me to France for six weeks starting in May?

Gaston's sidekick in Disney's Beauty and the Beast is named Le Fou. Translated: The Fool, which could be taken in a Shakespearean sense, as something of a jester, or literally as someone who is foolish. For the film, both work. And the Beast/Prince has bad hair. As Amanda quipped, "It's Beauty and the Mullet!"

On a more serious note: Lately it seems like everyone's been struggling with direction, uncertainty, and decisions that have to be made (mostly for the summer and following academic year). For example, at various points during the last month neither Tait, my roommate Christine, nor I could have told you which country we'd be in at the same point the next year. Country. Not city, not state. How insane is that? And I've heard of everything from summer jobs falling through to whole-hearted switches in academic plans. Hopefully we'll see things solidifing in the next couple of weeks and the return of sanity. It's so much easier, at least for me, to pick a plan and run with it full-force.

But I am still confident of this: I will see God's goodness in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, your Creator and Savior; be strong and take heart and wait, even when it seems like everything is falling apart. Wait for the Father who will never fail you, who will never stop loving you. For though he refuses to condense himself into our time tables, he does not forget us. For he is faithful.
--A Dawn paraphrase of the end of Psalm 27

^ Top | 12:01 AM | | |

Friday, April 02, 2004

Isn't this comforting?

I believe this picture comes from Monty Python. Thanks to Ken for finding the quiz--unfortunately, when you see his results you'll know why he wrote this: "Looks like it's time to find a new career...."

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

If your mission in life is not already
to preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!

How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's nice to know that the internet affirms my grammatical skills, even if the Michigan Daily doesn't (though I'm glad to say that they've been better lately). At least I know I've got some skills for this whole writing thing. (Yes, the lack of vocabulary was intentional. Get it? Ok, I know I'm not really that funny, but you could dignify me with a laugh. Just one. A chuckle? Please?)

^ Top | 12:01 AM | | |

Thursday, April 01, 2004

April Fool's Day

Only in Michigan would the weather start playing April fool's jokes. After the best night of swing in three weeks, including some semi-successful attempts by yours truly to learn how to lead (a rather disconcerting prospect for a follow--it feels like everything's backwards), Laura the Hun and I decided to go to Bubble Island and gratify my recent obsession with Thai iced tea. (There's some backstory to this though--I've fastiously avoided Bubble Island for years since it's the campus "Asian hangout" and my presence there would seem cliché. That and I strongly dislike bubble tea. But Thai iced tea has become my latest drink addiction, and they have the best I've discovered in town. Does this make me a tool? Just another person to jump on the bandwagon?) Along the way, we ran into Garth, a guy from church I'm not sure that I've ever really talked to. Serendipity. The three of us had a wonderful conversation and I discovered my first impression of him as a quiet type wasn't quite correct: he's a third-year law student and Type A personality who grew up in Africa with missionary parents and still has culture shock at times. And I may have convinced him to try dancing (something that always makes me happy). Walking home from Bubble Island, Laura realized that it was snowing. In April. Shouldn't we be well into spring at this point? But God apparently wanted to get in on the April fool's festivities himself. Don't believe anyone who tells you he doesn't have a sense of humor.

^ Top | 1:15 AM | | |